This week was a bit crazy for me. I don't have anything specific I want to talk about, but feel like I need to decompress from the rush of it all.
My son was sick with the stomach flu from Saturday night through Wednesday, including a short stint in the hospital. Nerve wracking, scary and one of a parent's worst nightmares. In spite of the terrible circumstances, a lot of people worked to make it a little bit better, which was much appreciated!
I felt so torn during his hospital stay because he is so little and was so scared of being there. But my daughter was at home and I ignored her completely, leaving her well being in my husband's capable hands so that I could focus on him. I only felt guilty afterwards and I don't know why. The circumstances more than supported my decision but sometimes the weight of society's "super mom" complex sits more heavily on me than usual.
On the last day that he was sick, I had to go to work and he was so sad when I told him I was leaving. He said "No, stay with me!" and my heart just broke. It was one of those crystalizing moments for me; where I realized that no matter what I think, my heart and focus is and always has been on my family and not my career.
That night I came home and since we had determined he was going to school the next day, I focused on making cupcakes for him to take with him. (Monday was his birthday, poor guy!) He was so excited when I sent cupcakes to school with my daughter for her birthday and I wanted to give him the same experience. Unfortunately, I guess his stomach wasn't 100% because he told the teacher he didn't want a cupcake, he wanted a banana! As an aunt told me when I relayed this story, I've completely corrupted him! :D
I'll end this brief note with that cute story and just say that the most difficult of circumstances are when we see our true selves most clearly.
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